My New Normal

It’s been ages since I last wrote and the main reason is that I really haven’t had the time. Motherhood has been a whole other level of hectic – but so amazingly beautiful as well.

Going from full-time teacher to full-time Mom has definitely been a huge adjustment for me. I’ve had to get used to a new routine, a new normal.

Although other moms had warned me that maternity leave would be very busy, I still believed that I would have plenty of time to get non work- related stuff done. I thought I would have plenty of time to organise our flat, read up on parenting issues and even work on the book I’d started years ago on our journey to parenthood. But the first day I was alone with Baby, I realized that I was very wrong.

I’d assumed that taking care of one baby would be a lot easier than teaching a room filled with teenagers. Nope, this baby relied on me for everything unlike my teenagers. I assumed that I would get through a long ‘to do’ list like I had as a teacher. I barely got through one item.

At first it was very frustrating. I felt like I was failing when I couldn’t get a load of laundry done or when Baby’s nursery still wasn’t organised after three weeks. I was also too proud to admit that I needed help and was determined to cope without asking anyone for help. I didn’t want to burden anyone. Baby was my responsibility during the day until Hubby came home and then we would tag team.

Baby soon became my responsibility at night too. Hubby has always struggled with sleep and has needed to take two sleeping pills to even get to sleep at night. He tried to take the night shift with Baby early on but ended up not sleeping at all and not coping at work. Since I will only be going back to work in July, and since I could sleep more during the day (or so I assumed), I agreed to take the night shift every night.

Although I was completely captivated by our precious baby girl, I was becoming overwhelmed. Something needed to change – my mindset.

After much prayer and tears, I realized several things:

– Baby is my focus during this time. I don’t have to do it all. If the dishes need to wait an extra day to be washed, it’s okay. I need to make the most of this time with her and let go of the other stuff.

– I need to ask for help. And the truth is, Baby’s grandparents are desperate to help. They wait eagerly for a phonecall to see their granddaughter. My parents and my mother in law come over at least twice a week now. Sometimes we all bond with Baby and sometimes I do a load of washing while they enjoy cuddles with her.

– I need to rejoice in the small victories. I started setting more realistic goals so that I could feel a sense of accomplishment. One week I survived a washing machine delivery, construction in our kitchen, several loads of late washing and a baby who cried at all the worst moments. I felt like superwoman for getting through it all!

– I started to have what I call ‘pajama days’ where I actually sleep when Baby sleeps and just stay in my pajamas all day. It’s usually a Monday or a Friday and they are my recharge days.

After making these changes, I don’t feel overwhelmed anymore. I can just focus on our beautiful baby girl – who is growing so quickly. I’ve gotten to watch her little personality develop and to appreciate the developmental leaps she’s made along the way. She’s such a cheerful, mischievous little lady who loves to talk to us (mainly saying ‘boo’ and ‘goo’) and is getting cuter every day.

Sunday was a really special day because it was my first Mother’s day. Over the last few years, as we’ve battled infertility, Mother’s day has been a real toughie for me. I’d avoid places like church on Mother’s day because of what a big deal they made of motherhood. I’d try my best to stay positive for my mom and mom in law, but it was always an emotional day for me.

This year it was emotional for a whole new reason – I’m finally a Mom! It was such a strange but amazing feeling too.

I was actually excited to go to church and even spent half the service in the cry room in the back of the church with several other moms because Baby wanted to talk loudly during the service. It still feels so unreal to be part of this Mom group.

I’ve felt so welcomed into the Mom community, just as I have the infertility community. I often feel like I’m inbetween the two to be honest because I can now relate so much to both.

I thought of my fertility sisters on Sunday – for those who are still waiting for their little one. I thought of the brave women having to make big decisions regarding their family, women who are facing the emotional rollercoaster of fertility treatment, and those who are broken after another negative pregnancy test. Stay hope-filled, Friends. May it happen for you soon.

I also thought so much of a woman who is never far from my mind but who was especially on my heart on Sunday – Baby’s Birth Mom. I got to be celebrated on Sunday because of her – I get to be a Mom to the most beautiful, perfect little girl because of her. She is the most phenomenal woman and I am eternally grateful to her.

Despite the new challenges, and the adjustments along the way, I consider myself the most blessed woman in the world. I am still overwhelmed and amazed by God’s gift of Baby. She brings us so much joy every day and she makes me love my new normal.